why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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