the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
