I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
