I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we're making bets on your personal life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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