OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize