So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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