First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
