Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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