You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
