garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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