May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
