this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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