How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
