Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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