Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
