She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize