oh god the rape fog is back!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
