I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize