Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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