I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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