they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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