Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
