whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
