I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
