I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
