when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
