just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
