I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
