Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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