I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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