please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
