Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
