Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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