I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
