This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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