she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
