I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
