dude i'm inner monologue high
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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