I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
