i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize