is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
