Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
