The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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