Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize