The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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