omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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