Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
