So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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