I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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