I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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