If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
