All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
