sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
