somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
