I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
