Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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