just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
