Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i dont even know how to be here
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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