I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
