You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
