youre lurking in front of me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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