Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
