i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
