Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They have beer where we have blood.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
