Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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