I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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