He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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