Your dad touched me again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this boner is exhausting
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
