Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize